the whole crazy thing.

This is the long, crazy, dramatic story of my breakup with my ex fiance in 2012. a LOT has changed since then.

I am SO tired of hearing everyone tell me what you say about me. I'm so tired of hearing about "how I did this to you." you know what? In my opinion, I didn't do anything. I'm telling the whole story so that everyone knows, so that everyone can see that all I did, was ask for something that you couldn't give. Take a seat everyone, you are going to be here for a while.
On May 6th 2012, my best friend was involved in a fatal car accident in Provo canyon. She was 25 weeks pregnant and the baby didn't make it. She spent a week in the hospital, and during that week I went and saw her every single day. I wanted her to know that I was there for her no matter what. But guess who was getting mad that my best friend who had just lost almost everything was getting more attention? Yeah, you. You never once asked how she was doing when I would get home from seeing her, you would just pout and piss and moan about you and your problems. *eye roll* The Saturday following the accident was her sons funeral. You knew about it, and you should have been there. But the night before you told me you were going to go fishing with my brother. And I said, "oh I hope you have fun, I have a funeral to go to." Also, the night before was your sisters birthday dinner. I was a half an hour away visiting my best friend since she had been home from the hospital and needed some company. You called me to remind me that her birthday dinner was that night and I said I would leave right now and get there just in time. You came back with this retort about how my friends were more important than your family and that I should just stay with her because you didn't want your family to have to sit and wait for me to get there, and that I should stay with my friend because she needs me more. Or some such bull shit. I drove home and got to dinner right on time. And the funny thing is, I was the ONLY one that was on time. Everyone in your family including you was late.
The next day was the funeral. You got up early to go fishing, took my jeep so you could tow your stupid boat. I got up, made myself look super sexy, and drove your car to the funeral. I sat there with her all day, so she would know I would be there for her always. I met a lot of her friends that day. When you got home from fishing you called me, and asked when I was coming home. I said I didn't know. And you said, "well I need my car"... Oh I'm sorry, I don't know if you know this, but my best friend just buried her baby, and you're worried about your car? You have mine, you will be fine. My best friends husband said, loud enough so you could hear, "hey You! Just so you know I'm going to tell you that I'm coming to your wedding, and then I'm going to go fishing instead. Since you couldn't even come to my sons funeral!" regardless, I thought I loved you. So I came home and sat and hung out with you and your friends.
You we're supposed to put gas in my jeep since you used most of it, and I needed some so I could make it to work on Tuesday. But of course you forgot, and my mom filled up my tank eventually so I could make it to work. The Monday after the funeral, I spent the day with my best friend so that she could have some company. Of course we talked about you and how we thought it was so fucked up that you went fishing instead of coming to her sons funeral. After a while of talking about all the things you did that were unfair and that pissed me off, she asked me, "Marci, are you even happy?" 
I sat there in silence for a few minutes just looking at her. Eventually she said, "I'm gonna guess that means no?" at that point I had realized I wasn't happy. At that point I had realized that I was just settling with what I had, because I didn't see a way out. I didn't think I could do better. I had become content with my life because I didn't think it was going to get much better. Her and I talked about what I could do and she suggested that we take a break for a little so I could figure out what I wanted. If the direction I was going was the right one, and if you were the right one. We talked about some other things that are none of your business, and then I left since it was my brother in laws birthday dinner. I had texted you ahead of time and reminded you that it was in three hours. On my way home I called you and asked if you were going to meet me at the restaurant in Provo. You asked if I was going to come pick you up and I said that was way out of the way and that it would just be easier if you met me there. You said you had just got home and that you needed to shower. You had been off work for a few hours and I'm sure had been sitting at your best friends house smoking and talking about becoming masters of the universe. You had plenty of time to go home and shower, but my shit just wasn't important enough for you to hurry or even participate in for that matter. So I got to the restaurant and you called me and said you had just got out of the shower and that you wouldn't make it there in time anyway, and that you wanted to go to bed since you had to get up early. I wanted you to be there with me and my family, but it just wasn't important enough for you was it? I got home and you were pretending to be asleep, I saw you look at me. You weren't tired, I know. You just didn't want to go. 
The next day was my first day of my new job. I started at 2 so that morning I went and hung out with someone that I thought was my best friend. Someone that I thought I could trust. I told him how I was feeling and he told me he didn't really know what to tell me to do. On my way to work my brother called me and he said that I should suggest taking a break, just to get my head straight. The funny part is, those two took your side in this whole ordeal, I guess you find out who your real friends are don't you. I got to work and talked with my boss about my problems, cause he asked what was going on in my life. He told me his opinion that get got of you in the half hour he met you, which was a lot of other peoples opinion as well. You came into my work that day to put the gas in my car that you forgot to put in. I said, "don't worry about it my mom already did." I wasn't happy to see you, but you knew that. I knew what we were going to talk about that night, deep down I knew it probably wouldn't end well. I drove home from work that night and contemplated what I was going to say to you, I was so scared.
I walked in the room and you were telling me all about something about you getting a new job or something, and I didn't really listen, or respond. You asked if something was wrong. I sighed and said, "I am not sure if I'm ready to get married." does that sound like me saying, "I don't want to marry you?" no, I don't think so, so stop telling everyone that that's what I said. Instead of saying, okay baby I'll wait for you until you are ready, you got pissed off and said, who put that idea in your head?....... Look, I'm not stupid. Thanks for making me feel stupid our whole relationship by the way. I make my own choices, people don't put ideas in my head. Anyway. I said "no one, I just have been thinking about it a lot lately." then you pulled the regular, "okay we'll I will just pack my things and go" bull shit that you always pulled whenever we would get in an argument. By this point I was tired of it, and I said "fine". I know how much it pisses you off when I don't wipe your ass and say, oh baby no stay here... So you sat and talked with me. Eventually, YOU suggested that we take a break. YOU suggested it. So I said "sure, that sounds like a great idea, let's do that." It was late, and I told you to stay that night and you could come get a weeks worth of stuff to take to your parents. A WEEKS WORTH of stuff.  Remember how I said a weeks worth of stuff? Just remember that. 
That night we laid in bed and I asked you if you would promise to show me that you wanted things to work out, and that you would try to make them work by giving me this break. You said you promised. Just like you promised a lot of other things. I didn't sleep that night, and when you woke up for work, you left the room and 10 minutes later you came back down and grabbed my ring box off the night stand. (I took my ring off at night because my fingers swell.) I asked what you were doing, and you said you "were taking this with you" and I asked why? You said, "until you decide that you want to be with me, I don't think that you should have this." and I said, "okay, we'll i still want you to take yours." and you asked why. So I said, "I got you that ring, not as a symbol of love, but so that when you look at it you will remember me and how much I love you. Don't you remember that night you were crying over your job, the night I gave it to you? So you could look at it and remember why you were working and why you had come so far? For me." and you said you didn't want to wear it, then you left, and I cried my heart out. Nothing says fuck you more than someone not wearing their wedding ring when you offer it to them. It completely broke my heart.
That day I found an old ring of mine and wore it to work, since you took my ring. Remember folks, this is only Wednesday. While at work, you texted me and told me you weren't coming to Lake Powell in two weeks. I asked you why. You said that this break was my choice and that that was yours. Oh, hmm, I'm pretty sure YOU suggested it. You went off about how 'hard' this was for YOU and how it has noting but a negative effect on YOU. And how now YOU felt like a failure in your personal life as well as your work life. It was always about YOU wasn't it? Did you ever stop to think about what this was doing to me? I texted you back and said, "everything will be FINE. Just after work, go to my house and take a weeks worth of stuff, and then in a week you can come back and we will go on a date and reconnect and fall back in love and live happily ever after." I don't think I ever heard back from you on that one. And when I left work you called me and told me you wanted your car key back.... I asked why? And you said cause I didn't need it. I got home and you weren't even there yet. I'm sure you were with your boy friends talking about how much of a bitch I was for doing this to you. I sat and talked to my parents and they told me everything would be fine. 
My best friend and her husband came and picked me up so that I didn't have to be there. When you got there, you were in your friends truck. It didn't make sense to me at first, then I thought, oh, he needs his stupid boat. Of course. I walked outside and you came up to me and handed me jeep and house keys. I handed you your car key and you just walked away from me, like you always would when you wouldn't get your way. I left and had a wonderful night with my friends at Cabelas and Sportsmans Warehouse. I was afraid to go home that night. I wasn't sure what I would find. 
I walked downstairs to my room, and everything, was gone. You obviously needed a lot of stuff for only being gone for one week. Remember how I said one week? For those of you reading that weren't there, let me give you a little insight on how weird this situation was, it will shock and awe you, I promise. This guy was never really a clean person. I always found myself cleaning up after him and putting his shit away because he couldn't do it himself. When I got into my room, the TV was gone, the Xbox was gone, all his clothes were gone, not a weeks worth, all of them. His safe was gone, I don't know why he would need that for a week.... He plastic storage drawers were gone, the poker set was gone.. We had three bottles of alcohol in the fridge and two of them were gone. The giant chair you bought me was gone, MY crescent wrench was gone.. A lot of little odds and ends were gone, and the cart that had all of my SANITIZED PERMANENT MAKEUP EQUIPMENT had been DUMPED out onto the floor and left in a pile. It wasn't nicely stacked on the shelf that was a foot away, it was DUMPED and LEFT in the MIDDLE of the room on the floor. At that point I was walking from room to room laughing at how funny it was that you took EVERYTHING.
I was on the phone with my best friend and her husband and they made sure that I threw my toothbrush away. He's a guy, he knows how you boys are. I texted you and told you I wanted my wrench back and that you forgot some things. My mom came down and asked if I was okay. She told me later that this moment was the happiest she had seen me in a long, long time. She also told me, that when you were outside talking to my dad when you got there, you told him that I said that I didn't want to marry you anymore, and that you weren't good enough for me and that you didn't make me happy. Which is a lie. Raise your hand if you remember what I said? Yes! You! That's right! I said I wasn't sure if IIIIIII was ready to get married. But this is all about YOU isn't it. She also told me that my room was a bit of a wreck when they came down. That things had been pulled out and rummaged through and left, not put back. *eye roll* typical, right? Her and my dad also set up my old TV and DVD player which I thought was nice, cause honestly I couldn't picture you doing it. I got ready for bed, called my best friend and told her what my mom told me, got on Facebook and changed my relationship status to SINGLE. I'm sorry, but you don't do that to someone and expect that you are still together. Right? 
Okay folks, if you need to take a break I would. Get a snack, stand up and stretch and drink some water, we aren't even halfway through this story and the crazy part is coming up.
I was on the phone with my best friend, saying some things that don't need to be repeated, and I heard a knock on the door. I got up and answered it, it was you. You got mad at something that you had heard me say to my best friend on the phone because you were being creepy and standing outside my door listening. You said you were here for some things that you forgot. I showed you the box and told you that you could leave. Then you started talking about how this break was still so hard for you and blah blah blah.. But hold up pal, it was over long before that. We weren't on a break anymore. Let's just make that clear here and now, we were done the second you walked out the door. So I told you, "this isn't a break anymore, you don't take everything and dump out sanitary stuff on the floor and tell my dad what you did and stay together with people." you started making up excuses for the way that you acted, you said that you were reacting because you were scared and confused and hurt. So I just said I'm sorry but you don't do that to people. You sat there and manipulated me with words for a while, and asked if there was anything you could do to fix things. I knew I had to stand my ground and not give in. I just said I still needed a break and that you needed to give me one. I didn't want to hear from you for a week. You told me that you would do anything but this break and that your boss said that people that take breaks usually just want to go have sex with other people. I'm sorry but that was really low of you to say. I stood my ground and after I cried for a little, told you that i wore a fake ring to work, and then eventually you left.
When you got home you saw that I had changed my Facebook status and you called me. I didn't answer and you texted me and said you just needed to talk to me for 5 minutes. I didn't want to talk, I was tired of talking. I finally answered and listened to what you had to say. You tried manipulating me more, and I just said I needed space. I said that you promised that you were going to try to make this work, so try. Give me a break. I didn't sleep that night either.
The next day was Thursday, it had only been one whole day since we decided on our break and it felt like eternity. I thought that this day I would be able to breathe a little. The night before I told you that I threw my toothbrush away and when I got up to go running in the morning, there was a nice electric toothbrush hanging from my jeep. I had a text from you that said, "I'm sorry you threw away your toothbrush." This is when I started getting creeped out. You called me before I went to work, and made me cry again. Telling me over and over that you needed to see me and that we needed to talk. I had nothing to say to you. But I went to work and did my best to make it through the day regardless of all of the emotional pain I had been through that day. You came into my work and gave my my crescent wrench. You wanted my keys so you could put it in my car. I didn't want you anywhere near my car so I just took the wrench from you and you left. You drove past about 5 more times after that. I started having an anxiety attack at this point. I left work and when I got home I had found more of your clothes and your phone charger and put them in a bag for you to come get from my mom. You, of course, waited until I was home to come get it. You came and got it while I was eating dinner and I lost my appetite. By now I hadn't hardly eaten in days. You texted me, and said something along the lines of, you understand why I didn't want to be with you. I didn't text back and I went down to my room and cried.
My boss had a agreed to let me work the next morning instead of evening so that I could start my weekend earlier. This particular weekend I had planned to stay at my best friends, since it was memorial day weekend. When I left work that Friday, you called me. You asked if you could come and get a haircut. I said no and that I was on my way home, then you said.. "oh there you are." I looked in my rear view mirror and saw you behind me in your car and my heart dropped. I said that I had to go and got on the freeway. 5 minutes later you called me and asked if we could pull over and talk. I said no, and that I had to hurry to my best friends because she couldn't be alone on her pain medicine. But I knew I had to stop at home and I knew that you were going to follow me. So I agreed. I called my best friend and told her what happened. I said I was scared. She called her husband who worked in Provo to come save me if he had to.
When we got to my house, you walked up, clean shaven, nicely dressed... This was a first.. I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses. So much for this break I thought to myself. You walked up to me and tried to hug me. I kept my arms folded and my walls up. You told me you had something for me. I said I didn't want it. I knew what it was. You pulled my ring box out and tried to hand it to me. My eyes got teary and I pushed it away. I said again, I don't want it. You asked why? I said, "you don't take someone's engagement ring, and then when things aren't working you try and give it back. I don't want it." you said I didn't even have to wear it, just keep it with me. By this point I was paranoid, figuring that you had put a tracking device in it. You noticed that I didn't have a fake ring on my finger and you asked why. I said, "why do you think? You took mine and you're acting crazy! I wore that one before because I was hurt, but now I just don't care." then you said, "do you want to know why I took everything?" I said sure. you said that you "took everything because you wanted to show me how much YOU put into this relationship and that I don't have a lot without you." I just shook my head and said, "I would rather be nothing without you, than something with you."
You asked me if I was going to hang out with any guys tonight. I said that I didn't know but I was pretty sure that it wasn't any of your business anymore, you weren't my fiancé anymore, you're the one that walked away and acted this way. You asked me to promise not to hang out with any guys, because you didn't want me to find someone better than you, or something like that. I never promised anything. My best friend was calling me over and over, her being just as paranoid, thinking that I was getting murdered. Finally I accepted the ring and said I would put it in my dads safe and that I needed to go. You said you wanted me to keep it and I walked away from you, so that you would know how it felt to be walked away from. I left the ring at my house and was ready for my long weekend. Only, I didn't realize how long it was going to be. 
I drove to my best friends, and we sat and watched a movie together and talked about all the crazy shit that you were doing. We came back down to Orem to hang out with one of their friends that I had met at the funeral. We drank and He cooked his world famous kabobs, but I still wasn't eating at this point. I tried to force some down but it didn't really happen. That night I tried to have fun, but I just couldn't. I was stressed. I stayed there that night and the next morning He made me breakfast and forced me to eat so I could build up some strength. We eventually made our way back to my best friends and spent the day up there watching movies. By now it's Saturday. It's been a long few days, hasn't it? My dad called me that morning and told me that you called. You asked him if I had my ring with me, and if I knew where your dress shoes we're since you were going to a wedding that day. I told my dad that they were your shoes and that maybe you should be in charge of your own shit. My dad laughed and told me you wanted to take the ring back. By this point I just laughed. I said I didn't want it anymore. I was tired of these games.
Well, Him and my best friends husband left to go shooting and my best friend and I stayed there to have some girl time. But not even 5 minutes after they left, we heard a knock at the door. My stomach dropped and I told my best friend she had to go answer the door. She went down and asked you what you were doing there. I sat up in the loft close to tears and texted Him and told him you were here. You said you needed to talk to me and my best friend said that I didn't want to talk to you. You begged and pleaded. She came up and called her husband. A few minutes later we heard her husbands voice telling you that you needed to leave. You said you were crazy about me and that you needed to talk to me. My best friends husband said, "take a step back and look at yourself, you're acting crazy and you're scaring the shit out of her." then you left and texted me and said that you didn't know that you were scaring me, and that I wouldn't hear from you until I contacted you first. If only that we're true. 
I started getting stressed again and curled up on the couch for the rest of the day. He stayed with me that night and kept me safe. The next morning we sat around the house since the weather was bad. You texted me and told me I was throwing all of this away and a bunch of other things that don't matter that I honestly don't remember. I texted you back and said that if you contacted me again without me contacting you first that I was going to get a restraining order and change my number. You kept calling my best friends husband that day. We were all getting really sick of you. That night I stayed at His house and had a great time. The next day was memorial day. I invited Him to come to my family barbecue, and he did and met my family. He didn't act like a prick or act like he was better than everyone like you always did. You called me after he had left and I had to chew you out in front of my whole family. I was so tired of you calling. Oh, this is the day that I found out you had been calling a lot of my friends and almost everyone in my family. I was pretty pissed off at you by this point. I just wanted my space that I still hadn't gotten from you. I never got one day. The next day was Tuesday. A regular day, got up went to work and when I got home, I started to miss you, but you didn't know this. I posted on Facebook:
alone in this house again tonight,
i got the tv on,
the sound turned down,
and a bottle of wine.
This is the night that you and I had a savage and brutal argument on Facebook. That's right, on Facebook of all things. The night that you accused me of cheating on you, again. Can I just say something really fast? I understand now why your exes cheated on you. You probably didn't deserve them, just like you didn't deserve me. If you treated them the same way you treated me, which is probably the truth, I don't blame them for cheating. They needed someone to make them happy. You always thought I was cheating on you. Can I give you some advice? if you want to stay with the next girl, don't always accuse her of cheating. You need to trust her and not make her feel like shit for having guy friends. Anyway, this is the night that you ended it for yourself. A part of me wishes that I had saved this conversation, but it's for the best that I didn't. But I want to thank you for showing me that side of you, the night that I actually started to miss you, was the night that you threw everything away. If you had just given me a week, you would have been back with me by now. 
The best part, after all the fucked up shit that you said to me that night, the next day you were begging me to take you back, again. I had had it at this point. I told you I wanted nothing to do with you, that I was done. Little did I suspect, you would go to my house and take EVERYTHING that you had EVER bought me. And I mean everything. Christmas presents that you bought me, Christmas presents your parents got me, anniversary presents little I love you's, everything that was left. The really funny part is that you didn't leave anything that I had got you. You asked if I wanted it, but you didn't ask if you could take my stuff. Legally, if you gave me something as a gift you can't take it back. But I'm not the bitch that you accuse me of being, and I let you keep your shit cause I'm not selfish like that.  That night, I burned our "time capsule." it was a barrel full of tickets to movies and little notes you had wrote me that I kept and stupid things like that. There were a few dried flower bouquets I burned as well. It took a lot off my chest, and He was there to help lift that load. I didn't hear from you for a few days, but I know you were calling my brothers and sisters and texting my dad. They all told me. That Friday was your birthday and I heard that you were pretty butt hurt that I didn't get you anything for your birthday. I didn't give you what I got you because I didn't want to give you any false hope. By this time you were clinging to whatever hope you had, I didn't want to give you more, cause there wasn't any. I heard you went and bought yourself a trolling motor for your stupid boat, and a snow mobile and a go pro. Why would I take you back if you had spent everything you saved for our house? My sister told me you told her that you had put a down payment on a house. First of all, stop lying about all the shit you were doing for our future. You didn't have shit done. That's one of the reasons why I left you, you would only work on it if I nagged you about it. 
That Sunday you sent me flowers and a love note. I didn't read the note and my mom kept the flowers. My dad told me I should call you and either cut the cord or tell you I'd give you a chance. I called and you wanted me to tell you everything I had to say. I told you that I thought you had said enough for the both of us over the last week. You told me we were stronger together, and that we can make it through anything. I didn't want to make it through anything. For once I was happy and I am more important to me than you are. I had to start looking out for myself. I told you it was over and that I was done for what seemed like the millionth time. I was going to lake Powell the next day and glad that I wouldn't have to hear from you for a week. And to be honest I don't think I have heard from you since. The whole point of me writing this wasn't to explain myself to everyone. It wasn't to sit and insult you or anyone. It was to get my point across. I didn't do this to you, I didn't do anything to you. Never once did I lash out at you, break your heart, manipulate you, or follow you around and make you so paranoid that you carry a knife at all times. You did this to you. I didn't throw it away, you pushed it away. Over and over and over. 
I hope that you read this, I hope that your family reads this. Most of all I hope the next girl reads this so that she can know what to expect. Because I'm sure you have told her all about how much of a selfish cunt I was and am. But there are two sides to every story. I have moved on, and I am so happy. It was a long, rough and bumpy ride, but I took the most I could from it. As I hope that you do. I hope that you meet someone, and that you fall in love and live happily ever after. Because everyone deserves to be happy. Just please, don't treat her how you treated me. She is so much better than that. 
So, how are you doing now that you know how I'm doing since "I did what I did to you?"